there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
