i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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