it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
