birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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