Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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