remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
