Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
