you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
