I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
