The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
