I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
