I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
