the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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