He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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