I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
two words...techno handjob
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
