I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
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