In the future we'll all be gay
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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