What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
