Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
