No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
