Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
