Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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