He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Randomize
