goodnight i made you a song goodbye
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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