This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
