I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
