So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
