i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
