Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
