He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
