i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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