There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She bit a glass in half.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
