Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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