I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
