he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
