So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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