vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I could fuck to npr.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
