I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I FOUND THE LEGS
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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