pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
