Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
