Define "chronic" masturbator.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
