Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
