My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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