How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
