You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
