Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
