then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Porn is love you can see.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
