do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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