i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
