HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
