He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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