i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
All I want is dick and wine.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
