i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
