Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
