Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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