either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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