she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
