I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
