you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
