I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
